Duhan van der Merwe’s wife, Nika, on what it’s like to be a rugby WAG
· Citizen
Being married to a professional rugby player comes with far more than jetting off to glamorous match days, according to Nika van der Merwe, wife of Scotland and Edinburgh winger Duhan van der Merwe.
The South African-born content creator and founder of the She Wanders Club took to TikTok to share a candid list of lessons she’s learned during her time as a “rugby wife,” as part of her ongoing “Girlie’s Guide to Rugby” series.
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Here’s what aspiring rugby WAGs need to know:
You can’t make plans – ever
Nika didn’t hold back on the unpredictability that comes with the territory.
“You can never ever make plans, ever,” she said, explaining that selection, injuries, and log standings can upend holidays, birthdays, and other milestones without warning.
Learning to be alone
With international duty often keeping husbands away from home, Nika said partners have to make peace with solitude.
She estimated that international players are away on squad duties for roughly 70% of the relationship, adding that while she personally thrives on time alone, “one of the worst things is going to bed alone.”
Rugby isn’t always one big happy family
Despite the sport’s tight-knit reputation, Nika was frank about the reality behind the scenes.
“Rugby isn’t one big happy family, not always,” she said, comparing it to any workplace where personality clashes are inevitable.
Her advice: never burn bridges, since players are often transferred between clubs, meaning today’s rival could become tomorrow’s teammate’s family.
@neeks_vdmFun & Games of the Rugby life #rugby #wag
♬ original sound – Nika van der Merwe
Wins and losses ripple far beyond the team
Match results, she said, affect far more than the players on the pitch.
“Wins and the losses run deep,” extending to playing staff, families, friends and supporters alike.
The dark side of social media
Perhaps her most pointed lesson concerned online scrutiny.
Nika admitted that as a partner, she’s learned to selectively engage with comments on social media, absorbing support while skimming past the “really horrible” ones.
She noted that many players avoid social media entirely in the days following a tough loss, “because honestly, the world is brutal.”
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Building an identity beyond rugby
With so much time spent apart, she stressed the importance of partners cultivating their own hobbies, passions and social circles.
“It’s so important to build your own personality and really pursue your own interests,” she said, calling it her most enjoyable part of the experience.
Community carries the load
She also credited the wider network of rugby partners for helping each other through the demands of the sport.
“When the men are away, we all band together and take care of each other,” she explained.
No guarantees – but no regrets
Nika acknowledged that nothing in a rugby career is set in stone, with injuries or new contracts capable of uprooting an entire household overnight.
Still, she was unequivocal about her feelings on the lifestyle overall: asked whether she’d choose this life again, her answer was simple: “in a bloody heartbeat.”