4 Signs Your Friend Might Actually Be Your Biggest Hater
· Vice
Most of us have had a friend who was a secret hater—and if you haven’t, consider yourself lucky. While some competition and jealousy are completely normal in friendships, taking it too far can become toxic for both parties. Unknowingly being friends with your “biggest opp” can completely destroy your confidence and derail your success. Imagine the person who is supposed to be your No. 1 supporter is actually preying on your downfall? That’s bound to do some damage.
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That’s why it’s crucial to identify friends who don’t have your best interest at heart. According to Andrew Palmer at Bingotastic, here are four signs your friend is secretly competing with you.
1. They Make Your Good News About Them
Unfortunately, many “friends” feel threatened by their loved ones’ success—so much so that they actively attempt to make it about themselves.
“Consider the comments that are made when you share positive news with your friend,” says Palmer. “Does your friend ask meaningful, curious questions or do they attempt to reinsert their position and personal status? Supportive friends are allowed to feel pangs of jealousy, but it’s about putting their feelings aside and celebrating your moment.”
2. Their Mood Shifts When Someone Else Gets What They Want
A good friend can put aside their own insecurities and grief to be happy for you. On the other hand, a competitive friend might view your personal gains as their losses. If you notice someone takes your success as a personal attack, it might be time to reevaluate the friendship.
Ironically enough, this can show up in petty ways, too. For example, maybe you’re playing a board game with your friend and notice their tone shifting when you beat them. Some competitiveness can be fun between friends, but if it turns to bitterness, it might be a red flag.
“Actively wanting to win is very normal,” Palmer says. “The red flag is raised when a person clearly struggles with the prospect of someone enjoying the fact that they’re winning. If your friend mocks your joy, grows quiet within the group setting, or makes sudden brash comments that the game is futile, they’re likely to be reacting to the fact that attention has shifted away from them.”
3. They Only Give Backhanded Compliments
One of the worst feelings is being friends with someone who uses backhanded compliments to show their support and care for you. These types of comments are not intended to actually lift you, but rather to trigger insecurity and self-doubt.
“A great way to determine how you feel about the comment is to imagine it in text form,” Palmer recommends. “Would it seem like a joke then, or rude?”
4. They Seek Opportunities to Outperform You
If a friend views you as their competition, they might seek out ways to “win” against you. This might look like going after the same guy, applying to the same job, or picking up the same hobby just to outperform you.
“A healthy friendship may share joy that you’ve inspired them; however, a competitive one is likely to introduce measurements that reflect what success means to them, along with comparisons and deadlines,” says Palmer.
With friends like these, who needs enemies?
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